Nobody The Blog

Pity I'm not one for self-pity... This year, 2017 was something else entirely. Where most years for me begin at a low point and slowly pick up until they crash in December, this year was the opposite of that. It began quite pleasing. It got even better in spring. But once summer rolled around, everything came crashing down. Depression lead me in a fall full of panic attacks, anxiety and pain, whether it was pain caused by mind or body due to the repercussions of what my mind did. This halted the production of my third book. And I'm still in a slump. Dealing with anxiety has run me dry, I can only do so much lately. I can come up with a fantastic idea, but never get to the execution due to anxiety. It bled me dry. My mind isn't cooperating properly, putting stop to anything productive. My body is in pain and that gives me even more anxiety. The future scares me, and anything serious considering the future I have to look away, or I'll get hit with anxiety and panic a...

I was here, there... I just was. Did I tell you the story? It's been a few weeks, this progression of destruction, rejuvenation, stones and dread. Everything I had was gone, everything that was, wasn't anymore. The expression 'get fucked' never seemed more appropriate when the mind is the enemy, your body is the machine and the you, is reduced to a shadow. How? Hmm... There's this expression " Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong."  This is something I live by. Not because I am a pessimist, I like to think that I am just a bitter idealist. Well, ideal from my perspective. Not yours. Living with this in mind prepares you for many things, death of others, disappointment, failure. This also eliminates many fears. It's actually quite nice. Many times it feels like you're Sherlock or Batman. But there's a flaw in this, the moment you let your guard down, you are hit, hard. The moment you stop, the wall you hit will shatter you. How s...

Because why not... Context: As seen in the many posts of September there were and still are a few good issues with me, my mental state, what I have to do and to deal with. So, if I don't deliver in one sense with posting regularly, please do indulge it. Since, I don't try to use this just as an outlet for shitposting, and actually do some more with what I post. And it's not the fact that I don't want to be open, or honest with what I am doing. But more of the fact that I don't think it matters... Or that it is boring to post every thought I have or every problem I encounter. Especially when your mind is faster than your fingers our mouth at explaining or putting thoughts out there for your points to be understood. Which is why I prefer writing, I can take my time to craft my arguments rather than just spouting things out randomly. That's not to say that you won't find out through the upcoming short stories what happened or what I am doing or what I am thi...

It took me some time. There is a reason behind everything we do. There's a reason I came to this conclusion. And I don't want to attack anyone. I am simply stating what I've been through and how I got here.  Each and everyone of us seek a path, seek to do something from simply being happy and having our own little space and place in this world, to those that want to influence the world in a way or another and make a mark in our history. We each strive for that something that makes us feel like we're living and that makes us feel like it's worth it. As irrational as we might be, we still find some sort of reason in what we do and want. So a few years back when I decided I wanted to write books, since I was writing on this blog, since I was writing my own song lyrics and since I liked writing and storytelling. From anime, manga, movies, TV shows, certain and very specific books, life itself and the narratives I used to entertain the either boring or tough life....

I live the American Dream I finally did it. I am living it. The American Dream is mine, I reached it. I made my dream come true. Me... A hard working, young blood... I was working 12 hour shifts, taking classes and going through college. And working on my dream, writing. What was I writing? What was my first step of my dream? Writing and self-publishing Trapped: Autumn. The first book in an arc of a book series. Don't believe me? You can buy it here:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XJQ1C15 Not only was I able to publish this book and make it available world-wide. It's also available as a paperback or to be downloaded on your device. Thus my first step towards the American Dream was made, I was almost there. Then I got a few sales, I was ecstatic. Short after that the haters appeared... I don't hear much from them nowadays. Not that I care, since they hate without any actual basis. So with those sales I got to the American Dream, but that wasn't good enough for m...

So it began, so it follows... This past 9 months I learned a lot, I wrote a lot, I thought a lot, I tried many things, I worked a lot. And to what purpose? I started writing Trapped: Autumn and doing something else, something in my style. I started learning how to use Photoshop again, doing all sorts of stuff in order to promote Trapped: Autumn. From character posters to all sorts of nonsense. And as I wrote Trapped: Autumn the story unfolded and grew, becoming a story I couldn't stop thinking about. When I finished writing it, the anxiousness started to build up, as the cover was nearly done and I was about to self-publish the first book, my debut in this world with more writers than readers. Then the cover was done, then I published my debut, the first thing I published for anyone and everyone to read and buy. Since this blog was always free for anyone and everyone to read world-wide, the book seemed like a natural next step. So day pass, I start thinking about the next ...

As the first day of spring is here, Autumn faded a long time ago... Yet the nightmare seems to have no end in sight... I still can't believe this,  I still can't fathom it... As the years passed, it's been seven months since I ended writing Trapped: Autumn. Half a year since it came out and I had my debut as a writer. Now here I am, to present you the second book, Trapped: Spring. But with the second edition of Autumn and the outing of Spring, comes an end. The end of this two seasons of Trapped and an end to the first edition of Trapped: Autumn.  If you had told me a few years back that I would have two books published, I wouldn't have believed you. Yet I am trying to continue doing this, writing, coming up with ideas for new books, struggling doing three things at once all in order to get a bit closer to my dreams. I won't lie, the disappointment of seeing what this industry is, how dignified people are in practicing certain tactics in order to achieve ...

In the light of the recent event of the 12 year old girl hanging herself... This is what I have to say. I say fuck you people. You fucking assholes... I saw comments saying that she should have done something else, that she should have went to the authorities or at least take the pedophile with him. Fuck you judgmental fucking pricks. I blame you for every suicide, every death and every single fucking loss. Yes, you, you, you and all of you. You are at fault for this. All you do is fucking talk and boast and stand there like a fucking asshole. Telling people what they should have done, what they should think, how they should behave. I am telling you to go fuck yourself. You pieces of shit. All of you. You have no idea do you? No one listens to children, whether they are beaten, sexually abused, mistreated, malnourished or killed. No matter what they say, you don't fucking listen to them, because they are children, they don't know any better, they'll get over it. To all...