Posts

Showing posts from December, 2017

Pity

Pity I'm not one for self-pity... This year, 2017 was something else entirely. Where most years for me begin at a low point and slowly pick up until they crash in December, this year was the opposite of that. It began quite pleasing. It got even better in spring. But once summer rolled around, everything came crashing down. Depression lead me in a fall full of panic attacks, anxiety and pain, whether it was pain caused by mind or body due to the repercussions of what my mind did. This halted the production of my third book. And I'm still in a slump. Dealing with anxiety has run me dry, I can only do so much lately. I can come up with a fantastic idea, but never get to the execution due to anxiety. It bled me dry. My mind isn't cooperating properly, putting stop to anything productive. My body is in pain and that gives me even more anxiety. The future scares me, and anything serious considering the future I have to look away, or I'll get hit with anxiety and panic a

Radio Silence.

I was here, there... I just was. Did I tell you the story? It's been a few weeks, this progression of destruction, rejuvenation, stones and dread. Everything I had was gone, everything that was, wasn't anymore. The expression 'get fucked' never seemed more appropriate when the mind is the enemy, your body is the machine and the you, is reduced to a shadow. How? Hmm... There's this expression " Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong."  This is something I live by. Not because I am a pessimist, I like to think that I am just a bitter idealist. Well, ideal from my perspective. Not yours. Living with this in mind prepares you for many things, death of others, disappointment, failure. This also eliminates many fears. It's actually quite nice. Many times it feels like you're Sherlock or Batman. But there's a flaw in this, the moment you let your guard down, you are hit, hard. The moment you stop, the wall you hit will shatter you. How s