Why we lie

Today I found out why we lie, not just in general, but to ourselves too. It's so that we can cope with the reality we live in. We lie so that we maintain hope when there is none. So that we keep ourselves together in though times, to keep out fears away and out life going on no matter what happens. Even if it means we lose touch with reality just to keep a small thread of hope floating in the air with us holding it and tugging on it until it rips and we crash land on truth and in reality. In the darkest night, in the blackest hour a lie is our savior, being it God, heaven, rebirth, or a last minute cure or miracle. Nothing can beat a good lie, reality can never get up to par to a good lie, not even in realities true and ugly form. Because whenever we get hit by reality we create an ever bigger lie, even if it doesn't make any sense what so ever. A lie can save a marriage, it can save a relationship or a life. We play on guitars with broken strings just to keep the lie going and close ourselves in a fortress of solitude and try to suppress our feelings and tears, just to make the pain we feel go away, even if it's for another second. So that out heart doesn't  feel the reality of the situation we're in. We lie big and small just so that we can treasure one more moment of a reality that once was beautiful. But in the end, it's all a lie, just a simple lie, so whatever we believe or we lie to ourselves gets vanished over time. And as it get's teared down by reality, something that devastates us and takes a small piece from us and we cry and whip rivers, we scream and mountains get shaken and forests get quiet by our pain and fear. The fire we have in our eyes could burn everything in our path, but no matter how painful the reality of it all is and how much we fear what comes next or goes forever, you have to fight and go beyond what you ever imagined you could do. Of course this last sentence was a lie too, but the truth is that sometimes a lie and some nerve can make us do more then we imagined we could do. So lying is nothing more then a medicine for the moment we wish it never came. I'm writing this as I lay together with my family in a hospital on my grandmother's birthday and probably her death day. As my father lies to himself and still holds up hope, my brother and grandfather are already crying for what's to come, my mother trying to prepare my father for the reality of it all. And I? I'm doing what I do best, sit alone and write this on my phone as I wish not to lie to myself, but also not to take any part in this heartbreaking moment as I try to be stronger then I might actually be this time...

I wrote this 2 days ago on my phone in the hospital as my grandmother was in a coma. Today she passed away, I am not shocked since I prepared myself for this day. I knew it would come and I was fully aware of it. A friend asked my why didn't I stay with her until today when she died, I told her this: "You could call me a coward, stupid, heartless, asshole, ungrateful bastard, but there is nothing I could do. And I don't want to see someone die, no one has to see someone die. Life goes on and there's nothing anyone can do when someone is dying.". And sometimes death can be a sweet release for someone that lives in agony and pain. And this is my way of dealing with it.